BEDM: Letter to Myself.
Hello, you.
Happy 13th birthday. You're finally a teenager, which you find exciting because "Yes! No longer a child!" but incredibly frustrating because "Oh. Still a child."...
I'm sorry to tell you, your teenage years are going to be hectic. In about a year you're going to find something out that changes your entire family dynamic. A new man is going to enter your world, and people's positions in your family tree are going to move. In all honesty, you cope with this in your usual fashion: you just kind of get on with it, watching everybody else freak out and wonder why you're not freaking out too. I promise you try to handle everything as sensitively as you can for everybody else, but in the end you get a bit annoyed because, hey, you're the kid! Why are YOU doing all of the worrying about everybody else?! You're left with a bit of bad blood but lengthy emails back and forth get everything that needed to be said out in the open. Things don't go back to the way they were; that's impossible. But things were rushed along a little bit by fate, and you get the chance to travel to the source and make amends before you're forced to say goodbye forever. You feel good that sorry was said on both sides, but you'll never forgive yourself for those years that were wasted. Sorry, kid.
Your littlest brother is deaf, and this is the year that the doctors will FINALLY listen to your Mum and agree that he's not just a slow developer, he actually just can't hear anything. Eventually he'll be diagnosed with ADHD, too - maybe best suggest that now so it can be monitored a little earlier. They might not even listen. Your lodger will move out but remain close with your family. Your brothers' Dad will move out, too, and you won't see him again other than a passing glance when he collects his boys. I'm sure I don't need to tell you that you're perfectly happy with that.
Friends will absolutely come and go. You'll pretty much have a different 'best friend' every year of your teenage life, until eventually you think that the term 'best friend' is just a bit silly and you put up a bit more of a barrier towards people. Some of them are complete idiots. Some of them are just nasty. Some of them are nice people you'll stay in contact with. Some of them, you'll look back and wonder what you were thinking. Don't bend over backwards for anybody. It takes you 22 years to learn that you give far more than you get and it always ends up hurting you, so you're not going to do it anymore. Save yourself a lot of bother and just be that way now. If people want to make the time for you, they will. Simple.
You'll have a pretty normal teenage life otherwise. You'll go to parties, you'll have picnics on the beach, you'll skip school (you probably shouldn't do that in 5th year... You pretty much cock things up for your future) and you'll drink until you throw up. Enjoy it while it lasts!
When you're 19 you'll meet the love of your life and things will settle down. You'll move to England and everything clicks. You'll learn the importance of hard work, you'll feel better about your life and you'll feel excited about your future. Three years into your relationship you'll have your son. It isn't love at first sight: it's fear. Things are tough, the birth is traumatic for you and baby, and it takes you a couple of days to know how you're supposed to feel. But when you stop worrying and realise things will be okay, you fall in love hard and you can't believe how lucky you are.
Chin up, kid. Things will be a rollercoaster in the next couple of years.
I promise it will be worth it.
You, almost ten years older.
Review: Sally Hansen Top and Base Coat.
I honestly don't know why Sally Hansen has such a bad reputation in the blogging world. I've never had a bad experience. I find their formulas long-lasting and easy to apply, and they have a great range of nail colours. I guess things work differently for different people though, right?
I wanted to wait until I'd had this top and base coat for a while before I commented on it, because I've been impressed by top coats before and then, after a while, it's like my nails get used to it (or maybe quality deteriorates over time? I don't know) and it stops working as well.
As far as this one goes, though, I love it. The grey bottle with the silver lid really does it for me; it feels chunky and robust, and immediately draws me over. Honestly, I chose this brand purely for the appearance of the packaging, and I'm not ashamed to admit that when it comes to beauty products I'm sucker for aesthetics. If they can't present their product well, chances are their product isn't going to look very good either!
The formula is easy to apply, though my one criticism is that the brush is just a little skinny for me. What I've loved about previous Sally Hansen products is the wide, flat brush and I hoped that this would be the same.
My hands are active. I wash lots of dishes and I change an average of seven nappies a day. No matter what top coat I used, for years my nails would chip and smudge at the mere thought of using my hands for something. I was beginning to think that I was the problem. That somehow I had varnish-resistant nails, that just weren't destined to look pretty. But finally I have found a formula that works for me. I'm so happy with this product I really don't think I'll ever need to stray. I actually found it at a stall in my local market for a couple of quid and haven't been able to find it in any drugstores since, so I really hope it starts showing up before I reach the end of this bottle!
BEDM: Dream Job.
As a child, I wanted to be a doctor. Then it was mentioned that I might see some unpleasant bodily fluids and that idea went out of the window.
I wanted to be a novelist, a pilot, a spy, an actor, a musician, a lawyer, an archivist, George Stobbart (it can be a job.), a photographer, a critic, a journalist, a private detective, a game tester and a chef. And, at some point or another, probably everything in between.
And I still don't know what I want to be when I grow up. I don't want to work in my customer service job for the rest of my life - maybe the next five years or so. Once Ozzy goes to school I'd like to get a degree, and maybe even do that part time and keep working. I'd like to get a degree in history, but have no future job plans whatsoever. I don't know what I'd like to do. I could work in a museum, I could use the degree to work in a library (another previous dream!), I could even work in a charity or council. After the year we've had I think I'd like to do something that helps vulnerable families, or maybe even just be the first fair member of staff the housing department at the council ever saw. Who knows?! I'm only 22 and have a lot of time to decide, I suppose. For now I just know I want to earn the money I can while I'm unqualified (other than an HNC, which counts for nothing) and then study something that excites me.
Is saying you don't know what your dream job is a total cop-out?!
BEDM: Newsflash!
BEDM: My Favourite Tradition.
Yep. That's right. My favourite tradition isn't Christmas. My favourite tradition is the 25th of June: Half Christmas.
Half Christmas came about in 2011, when we commented on the fact that it was exactly six months since the last Christmas, and six months until the next one. We didn't plan it. If anything, this is a tradition of greed; we simply both commented on how we really fancied a Christmas dinner, and rushed off to the shops to get the things we needed.
We don't go all out. There aren't decorations or presents, just a huge meal of turkey and all the trimmings. And Christmas crackers. You've got to have Christmas crackers.
*Actually a picture from Christmas, not Half Christmas, but hey! Candy canes!*
BEDM: Best Friends.
I was dreading this post. How do I write that I don't have a best friend without sounding pathetic? How do I say who I like most without them feeling awkward that I'm not their best friend, and I've just been reeeeally over clingy?! The politics of best-friend-dom are too intense for an Awkward Agatha like me. So I'll cop out.
A best friend is the person you spend the most time with, right?! Here's me and my best friend.
5 Things I Should Be Ashamed About... But I'm Not!
I think before I had a baby I looked at other parents, saw how perfect they seemed and figured that meant they were doing things right. I'd be one of them, I vowed. I'd give my baby a perfect life, doing the things I'm told I should be doing because anything else is bad parenting. Now that I'm a Mum I am almost completely the opposite to these parents and you know what? I am a good Mum. I feel good about my choices.
1. My son is formula fed. Yep. Roll your eyes and tut at me all you want, health visitor, but I feel good about it. He's right on target with his weight gain, I am not in any pain, I know exactly (down to the millilitre) how much he takes in and I can mix his medicine in with his milk. It is true that I wasn't producing enough milk for him but the truth is, if I was determined I could have persevered. I could have at least continued to combination feed. But my son was living in an incubator and I had a TERRIBLE spinal headache - if I wasn't by his side, I was laying in a dark room. Making the time to pump was physically and emotionally painful and it made me cry every day. I decided that being a good mum meant being a happy mum, and I put the pump away.
2. I don't co-sleep. Our bed is for us, his bed is for him. He will only come into our bed if he wakes for his 6am feed early when it's my turn to do it and I want an extra ten minutes to wake up. This is 'bad parenting' because I am robbing my son of a bond with his mother, apparently. My son and I have a wonderful bond, and I am there when he needs me. I am incredibly happy with the decision not to co-sleep. I think a lot of people do it because it's fashionable and, as with breastfeeding, it isn't worth the condescending looks you get when you say you don't do it.
3. I give him a dummy. Heck, the neonatal unit gave him a dummy without even asking me. He likes it, I'm more than happy for him to use it as a soothing mechanism and when he's old enough to understand, he will give it to the dummy fairy because he won't need it anymore. For now, it works.
4. Sometimes I just let my baby cry. I know what his 'I'm hungry' cry sounds like and I know what his 'I'm in pain' cry sounds like. Luckily he rarely cries if he doesn't need anything, but if he does I don't stop what I'm doing and run straight to him. Though I do believe in the CIO method, he isn't old enough for that yet. But he does often self soothe or get distracted and forget he was crying. I usually wait a few minutes before picking him up and giving him a cuddle.
5. I don't use a sling and the more I think about it, the more I realise I really don't want to. If I have something to do, I will put him down. If he's crying because he wants to be held, he will self soothe after a few minutes. I'm not willing to buy anything to have him wrapped around me (especially as he hates being restricted) just so I don't have to put him down at any point in the day. If I had other children I'd probably use one, and for some people they absolutely make sense. I just don't have anything urgent to do, so have no need for it.
And there you have it. Five things I'm told I should be embarrassed about. If my son is happy and healthy (and he most definitely is) then I must be doing something right, so I'm incredibly proud of everything I'm doing. Yes, those things work and are great for some parents. But I'd like to think I'm doing something right. And that I could parent without the media/mummy bloggers saying otherwise.
About Me
- vintagefee
- I'm a 22 year old who wears floral dresses and blogs about life, work, charity shops and make-up.
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